I've got 15 years of experience working in the divorce industry. As a professional lawyer that's supporting many individuals on matters related to legal help and wellness support.
I love my work a lot and I offer myself to help people. Some may think I am a proponent of divorce. That's not true, according to me. However, I support the fact that some people are better apart, as one of my friends and collogue wrote about in her new book. And for such kind of people, I understand, initially, matters can be difficult, but with the right resources, proper legal help, access to information, spiritual guidance, and the right amount of self-love, a break up can be transformed into a huge breakthrough meaning a blissful, healthier version of ourselves and a wise rearrangement of family.
The word "relationship" originates from the condition or quality of connection. After a lot of struggle and then heartbreak, if the connection is not given an equal exchange of energy or a firm foundation of giving and taking, then the wisest and often the best option is usually a breakup.
Indeed this is not an easy feat. Besides being emotionally draining, the divorce system involves a lot of legal and procedural complexities that can be quite tiring. For a long time, I answered all questions posed by my customers and committed to allay their fears relating to the divorce process. I launched my online platform in a bid to calm all divorce overwhelm. I've chosen some of the questions I receive frequently so that I can answer them here, to assist you to get past the hassle, get in control, and finally get the happiness you deserve.
1. Where do I begin?
Begin with yourself. Though most of us would prefer to walk under a rock anonymously until we get out happy and independent, it's not helpful to handle all these on our own. Call on your support system, or build another one. You can simply do this by joining a Facebook group for divorce matters, or an online support group via Meetup or Divorce Force. Today Psychology has a useful database where you can easily search for divorce support groups throughout the country. Look around well and you'll find out that people are always ready and willing to give. People love helping, and according to research helping others adds to one's happiness as well as overall wellbeing. So, if you're worried that your relatives and friends, may wonder what to say or do, let them see this article, and let them know that "stoking the fire" isn't any good. If you're confused and can't figure out to whom or where to seek help, turn around the situation. Put yourself in the shoes of a friend helping another person handle a divorce. What advice would you, and what love would you show?
2. But what next? How do I divorce?
Once we mention or say the word divorce, this can bring a whole lot of relief. The relief of at last saying it - of finally deciding that there's no happiness in that couple. The relief be present for you, or it may be absent, but sometimes the anxiety keeps coming back.
Handle this process step by step. Although we want to hasten the whole process, it's a marathon and not a sprint. Indeed, nothing happens overnight. In many states even the most contentious of divorce cases taken to court, last weeks before a first hearing.
Now since you've put on the patience, get smart. Learn about the divorce process and get to know the way it works in your state. This will help big time as you manage your expectations regarding the process and in increasing your comfort with the process.
Weigh your options. There are a lot of ways in which you can get through the process. In case you're having an uncontested divorce, or on that's lightly uncontested, you may opt to handle the paperwork by yourself, without seeking any help. Mediators may also be a cool option, for couples willing to set their divorce terms without going through court processes. And you're already aware that a lawyer can assist you through this process. Just keep in mind that before settling for a lawyer or mediator you can interview them, and it's wise to do so. Ensure you're comfortable with the person you pick to help you since you'll be sharing with them crucial information about your life during this process.
3. Is it mandatory to go to court?
Here's is my answer from a legal point of view: it varies. If you as a couple decide to DIY your divorce or bring in a mediator, and you'll reach an agreement, then you don't need to go to court. But, if you can't reach an agreement, or you've got a difficult case involving kids and vast property, high chances are you could land in court.
4. What amount will I be required to pay for the child or spousal support?
It also varies. It depends on the amount you earn, your ex's income, the one with primary custody, and a lot more. You can use a child support calculator to roughly estimate the amount you might pay in child support payments. You may also get to know if the bonus income you get will affect the amount you pay as support, and understand the options you have for long-term spousal support.
5. Can I fast track divorce? How can I hasten things?
If you've been in a marriage for not more than five years, and you meet some other criteria, you may be eligible for a summary dissolution, which is faster compared to divorce. (But remember you must abide by the six-month waiting period after the date your Divorce Petition is served.)
However, the answer that seems more realistic is a maybe. The amount of time it may take to make a divorce happen can vary much, depending on the circumstances. It may also depend on how fast your spouse acts on their part of the process. But you can do some things to make things on your end better. Have the right, information, organize yourself, uphold the integrity and you can keep the process going on your end.
6. When the divorce is final, what next for me?
Exhale. Cheer up. Reflect. Allow yourself to do anything necessary to mark an end to the chapter and the start of another for you.
After that, keenly check your legal loose ends. Are your Qualified Domestic Relations Order ready and implemented? If that's not the case, handle this to make sure to get the piece of your retirement account moving forward. Will you restore your maiden name once you've divorced? Adjust your car and home insurance policies, credit cards, driver's license as well as the emergency contact information you've given at work.
This also the best time to think about your finances again. After the divorce is done, you should know what your financial situation is like. Arrange a meeting with a financial professional to make sure you're headed to where you wish to be financial, in the near term, and over the longer future.This is much. I understand. But the more you're informed about the divorce procedures, the less you'll feel the heat. If you carry with you anything from this article, I'd like it to be: be informed, remain organized, and ensure you call on your support team. You don't have to handle this on your own. We're here to help you whenever you need us, and you'll see that a lot of people than you expected would like to offer a helping hand in the process. Allow them. Because at one time, they may require you to help them as well.